A wise idiot once said, "If you put it out into the world, it will come true." And so, in February of 2004, a then-girlfriendless me decided to count down the 13 days leading up to Valentine's Day by putting out into the world some potential pairings for myself. Sadly, not a single one of them came true.

Note to English teachers and Grammar nerds: I'm well aware the titles should be written as "(insert name here) and I." You just need to learn to embrace my poetic license.
 
1. Me and Run Lola Run
• • • • • • •
 
2. Me and Drew Barrymore
• • • • • • •
 
3. Me and the Janet from Sleater-Kinney
• • • • • • •
 
4. Me and actress/director Sarah Polley
• • • • • • •
 
5. Me and the girl who worked at the Grandview Chipotle in Columbus, OH
• • • • • • •
 
6. You ever have a crush on someone because, in addition to being really cute,
they drive a maroon station wagon from the 1980s? Me, too!
• • • • • • •
 
7. Me and Uma Thurman
• • • • • • •
 
8. Me and Norah Jones
• • • • • • •
 
9. Me and Amelie's Audrey Tatou
• • • • • • •
10. Me and early-20th century film starlet Clara Bow
• • • • • • •

 

11. Me and Suzanne Vega
• • • • • • •
 
12. Me and poet Anne Sexton
• • • • • • •
 
12. Me and poet Eve. Yes, that Eve.
• • • • • • •
All above images (c) dwellephant & milan zori. Since there are other people's faces in these,
please contact me before doing anything foolish, like, say, printing these elsewhere. Okay? Okay.